Asrai Devin

Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.” ― Sylvia Plath

Emotional Intelligence Classes

| 3 Comments

I imagine I will be posting a lot of links to Single Dad Laughing. His posts are sometimes funny, but always, always make me think.

Recently he wrote about How the divorce rate could be lowered. His answer, emotional intelligence classes in school. Self-awareness classes for children.

The possibilities on this are endless. We could offer them for adults as well, who never got this training. Especially parents, because it’s hard for me to believe that there are so many people who still believe that spanking is an effective teaching method.  Or that a young baby or child should be left alone to cry so they learn how to self-soothe. I never found it soothing to cry alone, personally. Human needs don’t stop with physical, emotional needs are just as important.

I just read in the past few weeks that time-outs, while a step-up from corporal punishment, are not very effective in changing behaviour. They are a punishment and general abandonment of your child during a time of great need. (I spend a lot of time reading positive parenting blogs, because my son challenges my calm).

Self-awareness. Conflict resolution. Non-violent communication. Perseverance. Real self-esteem boosting from within. Solutions based therapy. Tolerance for differences (can you imagine the political maelstrom?)

I think it was in Switch I read about a group of students who spent time learning that they were actually smart and that they needed to work (I’m writing from memory so the story may not be exactly as told). Anyway, students who received this time had improved marks and attendance.

What’s unfortunate, is those of us who are already pretty good at these sorts of things will take these types of classes, will search for more meaning and information on these topics. Those who truly need it, don’t recognize the need and will rarely seek out ways to be better. Which is why putting it in schools (and workplaces) would help a great deal.

Do you seek out ways to better yourself? What would you think if a program like this was implemented in schools?

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3 Comments

  1. Time outs are one of the most practiced punishments by people who don’t believe in spanking, so it’s interesting to hear they don’t work either. I’m not a parent myself, so I haven’t done the reading on parenting methods. I guess my question would be what is an effective punishment because certain negative behaviors do require consequences.

    • Punishment is more like revenge then teaching.

      What works depends on the age of the child and the “misbehaviour”. As toddlers, so under 3ish, children haven’t learned appropriate behaviour, they are testing things out and EVERYTHING is a big deal. They need a safe environment: things not meant to be touched go out of reach, and they need limits: don’t hit other people, and they need empathy, “I know you’re mad because you were having fun.”

      Once they get to the point where they can communicate fairly well, empowering the child to partner with you to solve the issue, And looking at the reason the child is acting out can also give some ideas on what to do. sometimes acting out is a cry for attention.

      Now it’s not to say you should shield a child from natural consequences, but imposing them doesn’t do much as a teaching tool.

      Okay so I do a lot of reading in this area, because my 2 year old PUSHES my buttons at every turn. Which I realize is my problem, he’s only 2, he’s not trying to piss me off, his needs and wants just clash with what I envision for our day to day life together. I spend at least an hour every day on http://www.ahaparenting.com it’s totally changed my parenting style. (As my SIL said, my first came out grown-up already, we haven’t had too many of these challenges with her).

  2. Emotional Intelligence Classes is a fabulous idea. I never liked spanking, mostly because my parents did it and all it taught me was to hate the paddle they used. I also wasn’t a fan of time outs because they just didn’t seem to work for my friends (usually it became a huge power struggle with the mom getting frustrated and letting the kid out of his/her punishment early, which seemed like the wrong message to send). We used a combination of reward & praise for good things and if they were really rotten, they got something taken away. I know some people don’t like this way either, but it works for us. Just the thought of my son losing his precious (phone, computer, friends over to play, etc) and his attitude changes.

    I think in some ways it’s a crapshoot what will work and it’s different for each kid. My daughter challenged us at every turn, but like I said with my son, just the idea of losing something is tantamount to the worst possible scenario in his life. He’s such a good boy! I hope he stays good. My daughter is 21 and still challenges us. Oy. God love her, but she’s a totally cool girl who’s super independent and just might bring about world peace one day.

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