Asrai Devin

Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.” ― Sylvia Plath

Acts of Self-Forgiveness

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When I was fifteen my parents split up. Finally.

That September, my dad took my brother and I to one of those crash em amateur car races. It was a cold day, and the cold got into my bones and made my knees and elbows ache.

The pain didn’t subside for ten years.

They tested me for arthritis. I exercised, I relaxed, I did heat, I did cold. Yoga helped a great deal, but only for a few hours. I only took pain killers on really bad days.

So how did I get rid of the pain?

Self-forgiveness and self-acceptance.

*takes a deep breath*

I used to self-harm. I didn’t know how to deal with stress or negative emotions. I didn’t fit in at my high school. I didn’t like myself.

I had to forgive myself for a lot of injury I did to myself. I had to accept that I had done the best I could. I had to learn how to deal with my emotions (this is a work in progress).

I decided today I want to make some art work for the wall that says “This life is a work in progress.” Because I feel like I am just reaching my grown up stage. At age 30, it’s all coming together for me.

What age did you feel like you’d become a grown up? What parts of your life feel like a work in progress?

 

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2 Comments

  1. I don’t know that I feel like a grown-up yet, even with a 17 year old son. My self esteem was great in high school, as an adult I have difficulty accepting who I am, what I want, how I look, and reaching for my dreams.

  2. I was touched by this story, Asrai. I happen to think that you are a wonderful person. I think you’ve come together quite nicely. Continue finding peace in the journey.

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